Thursday, April 6, 2017

Citrus Shocker Scandal

The New Scrap Pile is still in reprints, so we're going back even farther this time for a story from the original Scrap Pile:

Citrus Shocker Scandal Deepens

Apparently, cozying up to Arbiter Sands wasn't enough for the Scrap Pile. Now team leader Citrus Shocker has been accused of serious dereliction of duty by some of her fellow guardians of Paragon City.

Early in the evening of May 2nd, 2007, Citrus Shocker responded to a call for heroes to roust some Circle of Thorns cultists from a hidden temple in the Hollows. As one would expect of a hero, she joined the ad hoc team assembled by Police Drone 774 and joined them at the site. That's where the trouble began.

"I kept radioing her to ask if she could teleport me," said team member Iceman_X_123, "but she never answered. Later, I found out that she never even mentioned it to the other team members. She just stood there, reading her newspaper, while I jogged all the way across the Hollows. My cape was still on fire from Outcast Torch attacks, and she just stood there reading!"

Once in the temple, Shocker's behavior became even more... well... shocking. "She got in some good hits," says MedicHeelrDude. "I'll give her that, but then we all did. It was just an overwhelming horde of mages, guards, and some kind of screaming ghost things."

Police Drone 774 adds, "I took most of the aggro [sic] because I attacked first, but almost all of us went down. Poor TankerBelle will never be the same. As I collapsed on the stone tiles, gasping for help, I saw Citrus Shocker. She was badly hurt, but not down, and she was running for the door. And I'll tell you exactly what she said, because those words are burned into my memory. She looked over her shoulder with this annoyed expression, like she was really put out by our cries for help and said in a weird voice which I can only assume was a bad Eric Cartman impression, 'screw you guys; I'm going home.' That's what she said. And then she was gone."

"I saw her flying past as I came out of the hospital," says scrapper TrinityCatwoman. "I caught up to her and asked her to come back and help us finish the job and all she said was, 'You guys are morons. I don't have time for this.' Like it was all just a game to her. She's so mean."

Citrus Shocker could not be reached for comment, but she was photographed later the same evening, frightening civilians by kicking gang members below the belt in King's Row.