The End

‭The service for Torpedo's funeral was to be held in both Beta City and Atlantis. Morgana and the sorcerers of Atlantis had worked out a spell that enabled the two locations to temporarily overlap, creating a between-space in which mourners from both locations could interact.

‭Once there, several people gave mini-eulogies, including Grave Grizzly, who said only, "Torpedo's death was not funny." There were also weird blood-craving spirits wandering around offering to tell the future. They seemed mostly harmless and were apparently a side-effect of the space-folding spell. A weird guy wearing a top-hat and an old-timey suit with tails introduced himself as Doctor Tarr and invited everyone to a wake at the Fether Memorial Center nearby, which was also covered by the overlap spell. No one had arranged for this and nobody knew this guy, but there was an open bar.

At the Memorial Center, the crowd circulated, Landshark sampled an Atlantean intoxicant made from phosphorescent jellyfish and introduced himself to one of them as "Bruce, a shark," to which the Atlantean replied, "Sharks eat our children," and walked away. Disco had gone home, but his sister Nimble showed up instead.

It became apparent that the employees and some of the guests were zombies. Investigating this, they learned that the zombies were animated corpses from the funeral home and had replaced living guests who had been murdered by...

Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether were revealed to have been summoned to do this. When confronted, a mostly borged-up Aquatherm, smashed up after the ‭fight in Octopolis, clomped into view and took credit. They smashed him up and went home.

‭Morgana went over to Disco's bar (now Landshark's, I guess?) and said she understood he had been controlled and forgave him, but that it was hard to be around him because of stuff that happened. She said it better than that. I think Landshark did something.

Tom talked about this session in his blog, too.

‭Before we start with the new team, we're gonna take a break and play some D&D. 

Walking on Sunshine

Torpedo was defending Landshark from Eye Candy's suggestion that he shouldn't be on active duty when he got a call informing him that Morgana had perfected a water-breathing spell, which would make it possible for the two of them to return to Atlantis on a permanent basis. There was also some discussion of who should be the leader after yet another departure. Despite the fact that no one had ever been officially appointed to that position, there seemed to be a general assumption that the current leader was Torpedo. It kept coming back to the fact that Landshark had been with the team longer than anyone.

Eye Candy also had heard word from unnamed contacts that Jay had been seen in Los Angeles and Chompers told Fire of Saturn in an old lady voice that Jay had a bad therapist. There was a bit more discussion and they were off to California.

And sometimes I just get tired of writing these things, so here's a few pages from Landshark's diary instead (courtesy of his player, Curtis). I'm just gonna pour myself some magic editing tonic and go through it real quick. My comments will be in italics.

Hi! I’m Landshark. All those shark memes on the Scrap Pile’s Face Book Page? Those are my fault. I’m filling in to summarize our final issue. I had a very detailed summary of the adventure, but Madam Editor screamed when she saw how long it was. I was tranked, chained to this chair, and told to try again. 

Things were looking grim last issue. Disco had left the team, replaced by the non-shark-friendly Eye Candy. I caught Jay making out with another guy, then he dumped me with a Dear Shark letter. I didn't handle it well. The Scrap Pile infiltrated the Evil Underground Swimming Pool Lair of Careless Whisper. Who could have guessed that I would end up in the bottom of the swimming pool and panic? I destroyed her house with an earthquake. People were hurt badly. Eye Candy thinks I’m not fit for duty. I’m worried I’ll go back to jail.

By the way, things are still looking grim, because I’m CHAINED TO THIS CHAIR BY THE EDITOR! (It's a very comfortable chair.)

Obviously, someone is arching me, or this is an invasion by pod people. I bring this up at our meeting. No one believes me. Torpedo announces that he and Morgana are moving to Atlantis. He’ll be leaving the team. Disco gone. Jay gone. Now Torpedo is leaving? I told you. Pod People.

Morgana (Fire of Saturn, not Morgana) calls to let us know my dog, Mister Chompers, is talking again. She takes him for walks sometimes because everyone loves Chompers (everyone is afraid of Chompers because he's a demon magnet). If you've been following this blog, you know that Chompers talking is a bad thing. We rush to my apartment. The team is not impressed with my intricately mapped out "Who Is Arching Me?" chart. I also have a list of questions to weed out pod people.

This time, it is the spirit of Jay’s bisabuela, (I don't know this word and I don't feel like doing any research, so any spelling/usage issues are on Landhark) Edita, that is speaking through Chompers. She warns us that Jay has a bad therapist. We also get a lead that Jay has been hanging out at a sleazy gay bar in Los Angeles. I’m able to convince the team we need to check on Jay. We don’t leave right away, though. We have an important – and lengthy – discussion about what to name the new Scrap Jet. Do we name our new plane Shark 2? No, my team betrays me and I think they decide to call the new plane the Scrap Jet again. Whatever.

Off to LA we go. We find the bar, but are ambushed by Count DOOKU, (Count Dante, a ripoff from an old comic book ad) Careless Whisper, (Teen Spirit – who has illusion and light powers), Rayve, and Black Hole Sun. Count Dooku (Count Dante) monologs “Something something plot,” and a superhero battle ensues. We totally kick their butts. Rayve is taken down – did anyone notice Rayve is kind of hot, even in a mask? Torpedo throws Dooku (Count Dante) into Black Hole Sun. Their powers interact tragically, (nobody cried) and they both get sucked into small black marble. Careless Whisper (Teen Spirit) is almost captured by Eye Candy, but she escapes.

Eye isn't comfortable with going into a gay bar, so he offers to deliver Rayve to the authorities. I learn that Jay has been going to a popular hypnotherapist named Karl Lykos.

Eye steps up and volunteers to infiltrate Lykos' office by posing as a patient. He does a great job pretending to be a guy with serious anger issues. Lykos begins to hypnotize Eye. It takes Eye a bit to go under because apparently I am creating a "distraction" on the com. Once Eye is under, Lykos has machinery that begins to drain his energy!

Torpedo decides we've seen enough. We storm Lykos' office to rescue Eye. Again, there is a villain monolog and plot. Nothing to do with Jay though. Torpedo clobbers Lykos. We can’t wake up Eye, (not sure about that) but we find a back room full of the same tables and machinery Lykos has Eye connected to. The tables are full of more of Lykos' patients. Jay is one of them! We revive all them except Jay and Eye Candy.

Fire of Saturn thinks we use Lykos' machinery to enter Jay and Eye Candy’s minds to wake them up. At least, that’s what I thought we were doing. Instead of entering Jay’s mindscape, the mental plane we enter looks like a jungle island. Not Jay at all. We fight pterodactyl assholes and other monsters making our way through a temple and following passages taking us deep underground. Eventually our path forces us to swim in an underground river and dive into underwater caves. This is a psychic realm, so we call all breathe. I brave the water for Jay.

We find Jay chained to a giant pillar. He’s guarded by a nasty looking eye ball monster with a lollipop antenna sticking out of its head... I mean eye. Torpedo and I battle the eye monster, but Eye Candy just sits back and watches. Hmm… need more “I's” in that sentence. The eye monster is tough. We keep defeating it, but it reforms each time! (well... oh, never mind)

Eye Candy still isn't helping. He finally says he’s had enough and reveals himself as the big bad! (He didn't reveal himself until they were already back.) He actually calls me a"Stupid _______." I’m sure he meant to say "shark." He’s been trying to destroy the Scrap Pile all along! (Eh, not exactly, but it's understandable dramatic license.) He used incredible telepathic powers we didn't know he possessed to force Disco to leave the team. He also made Jay dump me and engendered my panic attack at Careless Whispers house. (Eye Candy didn't cause the panic. He just didn't prevent it.)

Eye hates us because… well, there is a lot of embarrassing stuff we’ve done that Madame Editor keeps out of this blog. We all know Disco is the most popular Scrapper. He’s a gay icon of sexual freedom. Coughmanwhorecoughcough. That’s why he was Eye’s first target. (Speculation)

The villain Closet Case broadcast my most intimate moments. Everything about me was out there on the net for the curious to see. I come from a very dark place. I often screw up spectacularly. But I keep trying, and I have a lot of fun along the way. The people of Beta City has seen me at my best and my worst. This includes singing shark songs in the shower and tender moments with Jay. (Yes, that even means sexy time.) I've come to mean something to them, too. Throw in our shenanigans as the Scrap Pile and we represented something a right-wing fanatic like Eye couldn't stand. (Speculation)

You know, I really thought his MAGA shirt was short for Megalodon.

I’m ready to battle Eye Candy, but instead I hear a familiar voice behind me. It’s the villain Dark Water! Dark Water has never been mentioned in this blog or appeared in this title before. He was in my graphic novel. To keep it Madame Editor friendly, Dark Water is a man who… hurt me as a child. My quirks, my fear of water and intimacy are all scars from him. He's a bad dude. (None of this happened.)

We fight. He taunts me. I don’t know it, but Eye Candy is messing with my head to make me believe Torpedo is Dark Water. Torpedo’s clever, so he uses the com to instruct Fire of Saturn to pull Eye and himself out of this mindscape prison. (None of this happened.)

Now I’m free to rescue Jay and the two of us are pulled out of the mindscape as well. The final battle has already begun. Torpedo and Fire of Saturn are standing off against Eye Candy, Careless Whisper, (Teen Spirit) and Rayve. Eye never turned Rayve over to the authorities because he’s evil.

Jay’s in no condition to fight, so he takes off. Rayve pulls off his mask to reveal himself to be a brainwashed Disco! Apparently the entire 80’s (90s, except for Careless Whisper, who wasn't there) music gang are thralls of Eye Candy.

The fight goes badly. Careless Whisper (Teen Spirit) takes out Torpedo. She blasts a hole through his chest. He’s gone. He’s really gone. How am I supposed to make it quick and say, "Torpedo died?" This is my friend we’re talking about!

It‘s a given that I’m easy prey for both Eye Candy’s telepathy and Rayve's emotion control. We’re toast. I charge Eye Candy and push us both through Lycos' office window. We fall a few stories. It takes Eye by surprise. He’s distracted enough for me to land a few punches and take him out. I hit him a few more times, too. You do not mess with sharks!

Then I ride a rock back up to the office window to help Fire of Saturn. Careless Whisper (Teen Spirit) has taken off, apparently freed from Eye Candy's influence. Disco is still Rayve. Fire of Saturn has had enough, so the fight is just Rayve and I. He doesn't use his emotion control powers or there would be no fight at all. We duke it out instead. His powers must have been amped up (nope) because his aura is hurting me more than it should. He’s winning. He’s about to kill me!

Rayve is about to deliver the killing blow when Disco, seeing what he’s done, manages to shake off Eye Candy’s influence. He looks in horror at Torpedo’s body and my blood and what he’s done to me. It’s too much for Disco to handle, so he takes off. (Also, he killed a bunch of other people under Eye Candy's control.)

It’s my duty to tell Morgana the sad news about Torpedo. That was hard to do. She takes it well, but her hair turned purple. That can’t be good. She turns the aquarium shop and the Scrap Base over to me. Disco mails the keys to his bar to me as well. I guess that’s fair because Disco used money off my internet videos to buy the bar in the first place. He also made a lot of money porno that Disco and I pretended to make. (It was a trap for Closet Case.) Hah, Madam Editor! See that! I still worked it in! (We'll see who has the last laugh.)

So, now I have two business, no team, and my closest friends are gone. It’s not all bad. Jay and I are closer than ever. (He's still occasionally possessed by his dead grandmother, though.) We've decided to move in together. I’m supposed to be a grown-up shark now. I’m totally not, but I’m cool with trying.

Not sure what I will do without the Scrap Pile.

I really miss my family. 

Giant Size Scrap Pile #4

Due to a fire at the printer's warehouse, this anniversary issue was never formally released to the public. Supposedly, a few copies did escape and are high-dollar items on the collectors' market, but the authenticity of these has been called into question and the entire creative team is in hiding. In chronicling the adventure, therefore, we have only rumors to go on.

Dreadknight was involved, although some sources insist that he was actually a re-skinned B Team villain. Firefall was also there. Somehow those two were manipulated into luring the heroes back to the lair of a "Doctor Rachel Sweet" who turned out to be an old enemy from the previous anniversary special. She set the Destroyer loose on them and there was a great deal of mayhem. In the end they defeated the Destroyer but Sweet escaped.

Sex and Candy

Hanging around the base, Landshark wanted to go check on Disco, so he and Torpedo took the Minivan of Justice to his bar, Glitter Balls, while Eye Candy stayed behind to keep an eye on the monitors. The bar was subdued because it was still daytime, but Jay was there. Upon seeing Landshark, he immediately jumped the bar, kissed the bartender, and ran out the back. Landshark followed him.

Meanwhile, Eye Candy saw a police report about a robbery at Abercrombie & Fitch. Most of the perpetrators had escaped, but the police had one guy cornered and were hesitant to move in because he had super-powers. He called Torpedo, who told him to go ahead and check it out while he collected Landshark.

Eye Candy flew to the scene and talked to the cops, who told him the guy was in an abandoned building down that alley. They had him surrounded, but were hesitant to move in because he shot antlers at them and seemed to be bulletproof. Hoping to make a good impression on his new teammates, Eye Candy went in without waiting for Torpedo and Landshark.

After negotiation failed, Eye Candy blew the door in with his telekinesis. Inside, he found a guy with a stag head who did, in fact, shoot antlers at him. The villain identified himself as Achy Breaky Hart. (Get it?) Eye Candy threw Hart back against the wall, which caused him to explode, damaging the building and throwing Eye Candy back. Hart reformed behind Eye Candy just as Torpedo and Landshark arrived.

Torpedo lava-stretched over and punched Hart while Landshark threw some rubble at him with his earth power. The heat didn't seem to affect Hart at all, and the combined attack caused him to explode again and reappear, uninjured, out in the alley, where he ran towards the cops.

Realizing that hitting Hart wasn't going to help, Landshark grabbed his leg with an earth shark. This held him in place until the police saw him and started shooting, making him explode again and reappear atop a neighboring building. There, Eye Candy picked him up with his TK and spun him around until he passed out. The superhuman task force took custody and the Scrap Pile went back to their headquarters.

Back at HQ, Landshark found a note from Jay that he was leaving to "figure some things out" and was sorry for hurting him. Landshark remained convinced that Jay was being mind controlled. Eye Candy began a series of "consolations" which sounded more like jabs. Torpedo, loving that Eye Candy acknowledged him as team leader, let it go.

Getting back to work, the team reviewed the footage of the robbery. There was no sound, but they could see Achy Breaky Hart, a woman in a skimpy pastel outfit who seemed to be able to make people dizzy, a man with a light-absorbing black aura and a bit of Kirby crackle, and a guy in a silver and black costume who seemed to be calling the shots. Eye Candy thought the woman looked familiar from his modeling career.

Checking out the police interviews, Torpedo found out that the leader was called Rayve, while the others were Careless Whisper and Black Hole Sun. Eye Candy looked through his old catalogs and found someone he was pretty sure was Careless Whisper, an heiress/model named Cassandra Halo. He also remembered her bragging often about owning an island on Lake Mohawk. Eye Candy said to Torpedo, "An island, sir! We'll be in your element!"

Eye Candy flew himself and Landshark in folding chairs while Torpedo took to the water. Landshark wore floaties and a swim vest, but assured Eye Candy he wasn't afraid of water or anything like that. The island was mostly a big rock sticking out of the water with the mansion high above. Torpedo went to the pier while Eye Candy and Landshark landed on the beach on the other side.

Torpedo crept up and pulled the fuel lines on the two boats, then confronted the security guards. He tried to get them to let him pass as Prince of Atlantis, but the guards said the Prime Minister of Atlantis was here last week and even he made an appointment. Torpedo punched them and, though he did get shot once, took them out fairly quickly.

Land Shark decided to just tunnel his way in, and opened up a passage in the rock for himself and Eye Candy. Before tunneling up toward the house, they found a large cavern filled with machinery and several levels of catwalks around a central pool full of cyber-sharks. A group of guards clad in glittery skin-tight suits saw them and started firing lasers.

Torpedo walked to the front door, where he met a butler dressed in short-shorts, a bowtie, faux cuffs, and not much else. He tried to bluff his way in and the butler asked him to wait while he checked with Ms. Halo. Impatient with all these delays, he punched out the butler and started yelling up the stairs for Cassandra, who soon arrives with two glitterguards.

Eye Candy hurled Landshark across the pool at one of the guards so he could get into the fight without bringing down the cavern. While they fought, another guy came in, saw what was going on, and suddenly turned solid black, revealing himself as Black Hole Sun. He gestured and cranked the gravity up to eleven, flattening even his own henchmen.

Torpedo's conversation with Cassandra got ugly, and eventually a fight broke out. She got him first, saying, "You're never gonna dance again," and making him feel all wobbly (draining Coordination). As pretty much everyone already knew, she was really Careless Whisper. Torpedo threw off the effect and took a swing at her, but a defensive use of her power reduced it to a glancing blow. The guards also fired their lasers, though, knocking Torpedo out.

Eye Candy used his TK to drag Black Hole Sun, who was unaffected by his own gravity manipulation, into the pool and submerge him. Sun immediately released the gravity effect, then applied it in reverse to the water around him, causing it and the sharks to fly up to the ceiling. Landshark leaped across the void and punched Sun, although his blow was only partially effective and it felt like his fist was sinking into another dimension.

Eye Candy slammed them both into the wall, startling Black Hole Sun sufficiently to release the water, which all came down around him and Landshark. (Eye Candy actually used his TK to make sure it all went back into the pool.) Landshark freaked out and cut loose with an earthquake. The cavern collapsed, which caused all the openings above it to collapse, which also destroyed the house. Eye Candy and Landshark were able to protect themselves, but lots of other people were hurt.

Eye Candy called EMS and they were able to prevent any deaths, although there were lots of serious injuries. They found and arrested an unconscious Careless Whisper, got Torpedo, and helped with the cleanup. They didn't find any sign of Black Hole Sun.

Eye Candy made it clear that Landshark had not told him about his phobia and suggested that Landshark might not be fit for active duty.

Repercussions

As everybody got back to Scrapbase and Fire of Saturn was digging into the Hornetroid specs they brought back, the news aired some blogger's footage of the Scrapjet crashing into the drug factory. Not much was known, but the plane was recognized, and (Broccoli) Mangod was looking for answers. Torpedo repeated the line that it was just a bunch of drones, but, after the call, it soon became clear that there had been more serious casualties. While they were discussing it, though, the Negative Zone portal alarm went off.

There was a crazy wind coming through the portal, and a bunch of antrons crawling around eating metal stuff. Fire of Saturn iced over the portal to stop the wind and they dispatched the antrons. Then the ice shattered and a disheveled Magi appeared. He stepped through and easily closed the portal with a gadget. He wasn't happy with Disco.

Apparently, Magi had been hanging out with some drug addicts who, in order to support their habit, were involved with the same operation Disco and Landshark had bombed. Some of them had been there when Disco crashed the Scrapjet into the facility. There were arguments, stuff like, "Where was this iron fist of justice when we fought Qth-raq?" came out. Finally, Disco got mad too and took a swing at Magi.

In response, Magi hulked out just like the other MUT-8 users. They fought. Although he put up a good fight against the whole team, Magi went down and turned human again. As they were getting ready to restrain him, though, he winked and faded into another dimension. 

Disco said he'd had enough and was leaving the team. Torpedo, without condoning Disco's murder spree, wanted to try and work things out. Landshark really wanted him to stay, period. Fire of Saturn had wandered off again. Disco would hear none of it, although he did send Landshark an email later, recommending a potential replacement, a telekinetic called Eye Candy.

Torpedo and Landshark interviewed Eye Candy and found him acceptable.

Candygram

Evening at Disco's nightclub. Torpedo was back in Atlantis sorting out some political details. Fire of Saturn was at the bar sipping mai-tais. I don't think I ever gave her a real name, but she was in her civilian identity without her armor and stuff this time. I guess I should come up with something. Disco was there because one of his bartenders called in sick and he couldn't find the other one. Chromaticat was supplementing the lights with her own powers and teleporting from mirrorball to mirrorball to beam down at people. Landshark eventually showed up too, since Jay was off in Marvel City being dark and magical.

While they were catching up, they noticed some rough-looking guys in the corner snorting something. Disco left Landshark to cover the bar and went to ask them to take it outside. They were belligerent and took another hit, which made them all grow large and green. Their leader punched Disco, throwing him back against the bar. Disco shouted back "No earth powers!" at Landshark, turned on his aura, and punched back. Landshark joined in the fisticuffs and Fire of Saturn improvised a one-shot missile launcher out of some cleaning equipment and a bottle of Grey Goose. While superhumanly strong, the three hulks were no match for experienced super-heroes... and Chromaticat.

Disco took their wallets and used their credit cards to pay for the repairs to his bar. He also found an unused vial of the green powder they had been snorting and gave it to Fire of Saturn to analyze. Meanwhile, they talked to Officer Vic Broyko, who told them that there had been several incidents of violence involving this new drug, known as MUT-8 (pronounced like "mutate").  He believed it was being smuggled in from Canada.

The next morning, Fire of Saturn called the others in to have a look at her discovery. By trying the drug out on several tanks of guppies from the aquarium upstairs (she would have preferred rats, but couldn't get them on short notice), she had discovered that, rather than developing a tolerance, users became susceptible to a wider range of effects with continual usage. At first, MUT-8 produces a stimulant high with some increased aggression, followed by a period of blissful docility. As usage continued, the drug led to more aggression, and finally transformation. In the case of the guppies, the result was a primitive, spiny sea monster. With humans, of course, you get hulks. She said MUT-8 was not so much a drug, but a kind of live bacterial spore that colonized the host's body. It resembled in many ways the infection of the Gauntlet equipment from Karza's troops.

Calling in a favor with the Beta City police, Disco got himself and Landshark into an interview with the prisoners. Utilizing questionable but effective interrogation techniques, they found out that the drugs came from someone called, "Rudy the Troll" who could be found on a big bridge in the Blight on Lightfoot Island. Knowing something about the area from his youth, Landshark pointed out that there couldn't be too many big bridges still intact, so they already had a good idea where to look.

They found an old suspension bridge across a gorge. Once, a river had gone through it, but now it was full of stagnant water. The bridge itself, while intact, was only attached to its original road at one end. The other had slid down the cliff wall to a ledge below. A crevice in that ledge promised cavernous realms beyond. Noticing that there were no other light sources, Disco rainbowed up and they moved on.

Not far in, they encountered a couple of hulked-up guards. These were a bit harder to beat than the party hulks in the bar, but they still went down. Farther in, they found a big round door. They knocked and Landshark shouted "pizza!" to which a gruff voice from beyond said, "I didn't order a pizza!" They tried a couple of others. I think it came down to Disco shouting "male escort" and being surprised that the answer was, "Come in!" Landshark still shouted, "Candygram!" and punched down the door, though.

Inside, they found a big ole spiny blue-green guy with horns lounging on a cushy U-shaped couch. He said, "You didn't have to knock down the door. It wasn't locked. I got some good cognac and a jug of sangria if you wanna loosen up."

Recognizing that he had an opportunity to play the seductive spy, Disco went to work trying to coax the information they wanted out of Rudy. He was happy to tell them that he didn't make the MUT-8 himself, but felt professionally constrained not to reveal his supplier. It took multiple attempts, finally throwing in Landshark, who added, "I can be a bad shark, or a very bad shark," before the Troll caved and told them what they wanted to know. Then Disco dazzle-blasted him into semi-conscious euphoria flew him off to the police.

The drugs were coming from part of the Forbidden Zone that used to be Texas, so they needed transportation. Fire of Saturn patched up the previously glitchy autopilot and they were off in the Scrapjet. Not far into the Forbidden Zone, they were confronted by a hornetroid. Disco and Landshark ejected to fight it and eventually managed to disable the bio-mechanical monster. Landshark was a little grossed out to learn that it had blood.

Once they reached their designated coordinates, they saw a settlement with several aluminum buildings and smokestacks surrounded by a wooden palisade. The guard towers were manned by gauntlet soldiers. Disco set the autopilot for the center of the settlement, grabbed Landshark, and bailed out. The Scrapjet made its heroic final voyage, despite the attempts of the gauntlet soldiers to shoot it down, and exploded in a terrifying fireball of burning jet fuel and illegal radioactive power boosters (Fire of Saturn is not the most reputable of mechanics), killing everyone there and melting all their stuff.

Disco said, "There weren't any real people down there, right?"

The Origin of Mister Chompers

Rejoining Torpedo at the site of the Chompers expansion,‭ ‬Disco and Landshark found‭ ‬pieces of a robot shark man crawling together to self-assemble.‭ ‬Once whole,‭ ‬the robot turned to Landshark,‭ ‬clanked its teeth,‭ ‬and‭ ‬said,‭ "‬How do you like these chompers,‭ ‬Daddy‭?"

While they fought the ridiculous chomper-shark,‭ ‬he shared his history with the Scrap Pile.‭ Years ago in the 80sVerse, a teenager named Joshua Stern got himself involved with that nasty rock music and D&D. Even after Christian conversion therapy for some potential gayness, he ended up in a Satanic cult, because all that stuff is real in the 80sVerse. His occult dabbling got him thrown through a portal to the end of time where he was rescued by some talking brains. They saved the badly injured Josh, but didn't remember what humans were supposed to look like, so he ended up being rebuilt as, like, just a brain or something.

‭Wandering the void, Josh encountered another fugitive, a powerful alien psi. For reasons that kind of got glossed over, this Overmind agreed to send Josh back to the present. He didn't make it back to the 80sVerse, though, because he got diverted by the seal on the dimensional Nexus in subspace. Instead, he found himself in our universe as a ghostly presence. There, he was able to influence Techmaster to summon the Corrosive Soul.

‭Some of Josh's instructions got garbled, though, which is why Rapture was so obsessed with stealing brains for a while. They were, however, able to help him possess Mr. Chompers because small dogs are really easy for evil spirits to influence. He did this to get close to the body he eventually planned to steal, his counterpart in our universe, Disco. That's also why only Disco and Nimble could hear him.

‭So anyway, they trashed the Chomperbot, and Disco decided his supervillain name should be "Closet Case." As he blew apart, Josh bragged that now he was free to roam the Internet or something.

‭The Scrap Pile returned to base and started putting together a plan to stop Closet Case. Yeah, I don't even remember what name I had given him. They never used it. They brought in Psyclone (remember him from the Anniversary Special?) and got some advice from Pork Chop. They then proceeded to set up an Internet porn site designed to attract and outrage Closet Case so that Psyclone could isolate his signal and trap him in whatever main site he was using. Some of their footage came from recordings Mister Chompers had made of the Scrap Pile.

‭Somehow, despite repeated phone interruptions from a disturbingly enthusiastic Pork Chop, the plan worked. They tracked Closet back to the old Weatherhead building where Ruby and the shrunken bones guy had been hanging out. That place is like a magnet for evil, seriously.

‭There, they fought some robot guards and some demons and finally found Closet himself forming into a new, giant robot body. They fought him for a while, then Disco kissed Landshark and the robot's head exploded. Because Closet was trapped there by Psyclone, that was the end of him.

‭Epilogue: Everybody was sitting around the base. Mister Chompers, now free of crazy spirits, hopped onto Landshark's lap. Disco walked by and saw the dog wink at him.

Welcome Back, Scrap Pile

After wrapping up some business in Atlantis, the team headed back to Beta City. Torpedo decided to swim and then take a train home while Landshark and Disco flew in their recently repaired submarine jet thing. Worried about the ominous threat delivered by Mr. Chompers, Disco called his sister to make sure she was okay. He also remotely reprogrammed the security system to chase Pork Chop and Grave Grizzly out.

Flying over Free Buffalo, an independent city-state ever since the Lake Mohawk catastrophe, Disco and Landshark spotted a brightly lit club that looked interesting. It turned out to have a superhero theme and drinks that would not be legal anywhere else. Torpedo also stopped by for some clothes and money. They got rooms in town on Caravel's team credit card and partied. Torpedo got a distress text from Morgana and swam off to the rescue before the follow-up "LOL" came through.

Torpedo found the debris of a porch party outside his aquarium shop just before a thunderous explosion sent Fire of Saturn flying backwards out through the roof. Blastaar then launched himself out into the street from the same hole, ranted, and then blast-flew himself off towards Beta City proper. Torpedo went to check on Fire of Saturn while Disco and Landshark arrived and they all went inside to see the damage to their headquarters.

Fire of Saturn said Blastaar had come out of a hidden door in Magi's old basement laboratory, where she had been playing with the partially-constructed gadgets he left behind. Further investigation led them to a security tape of Mister Chompers trotting into the room while Fire was occupied, poking at the controls with his little paws, then leaving. A flashing red indicator briefly said, "Negative Zone Lock Disengaged" and then Blastaar came through.

Disco flew off after Blastaar. Not wanting to tear up the neighborhood with his tunneling power, Landshark went on foot. Torpedo went to find the mystic, Doctor Philosophy, to figure out how to deal with the evil pug. Disco fought Blastaar in the streets of Beta City, by himself at first. Landshark eventually joined in, once the ferry arrived. Torpedo and Philosophy headed back to HQ.

Blastaar went down after a hard fight and lots of determination points. As he lost consciousness, there was a weird kind of Kirby crackle around him that spread out across town. Back on Lightfoot Island, Chompers' eyes flashed red. Street lights exploded. Machines all around them came to life and a booming voice from speakers everywhere announced that Doctor Kronus was free at last.

Fear and Loathing in Atlantis

Picking up from last time with Dirge's big appearance in Atlantis, we find Harvey Wallbanger knocked out and floating around aimlessly while the evil volcano spirit manifests in all his underwater fiery multitentacly glory and threatens to end the line of Atlantean sovereignty once and for all.

Immediately, the force of Dirge's aura burned into their brains and made them start going crazy. He also animated the buildings all around the team and had them reach out to grab them. Land Shark and Disco dodged the first swipe, but Torpedo was caged by a grabby tower. Land Shark attacked with a column of earth and found that Dirge was protected by a powerful force field. Torpedo crashed through the cage and dove so hard at Dirge that he was able to harm him even through the force field. 

Because of the madness aura, Torpedo immediately asserted his Atlantean kingship and started assigning positions and ordering people around. Disco, likewise affected, became extra diva-ish and took everything Torpedo said as an insulting failure to recognize his fabulousness. I think Landshark was just curled up in a ball or fighting with the animated buildings or something. Then he freaked out and let loose with an earthquake, which trashed the neighborhood, but didn't otherwise help much. Torpedo did manage to save the bystanders by swimming so fast that he created an underwater twister to whisk them to safety.

Eventually Disco decided to show them how it's done. A combination of dice magic and determination points led to the emotion control lightshow of Disco's life, dazzling even un-targeted onlookers. Dirge cried out that "the Avatar" was coming and fled, also ranting about how the black sphere will rise and "he will come from beyond the stars and crush you all" as he fled into the volcano.

Shaking off their madness (well, as much as they ever do) and rallying the Atlantean troops, the Scrap Pile pursued the demon. While Atlantean mystics performed a collective binding ritual, Torpedo channeled the lava and Landshark reshaped the stone to support the Atlantean magic (also taking time to turn the carved face into a shark head). Disco capped it off with another light show, manifesting as a ghostly disco ball image shining briefly above the mountain.

Later they got a video call from Fire of Saturn and found out about the B Team's recent exploits. Also, Mister Chompers barked into the camera when Nimble showed up. Disco saw a subtitle appear underneath reading, "The sow is mine!"

Back on the B Side

Jumping back to the end of the fight with the giant lava monster over Lightfoot Island, we find most of the B Team (Comet, Pork Chop, and Grave Grizzly, but not Ghost Lad) freshly released from Rapture's lair. They watched the monster go down, then made their way back to Scrap Pile HQ to see if they could figure out how to find Techmaster.

Techmaster, if we haven't already covered this somewhere, was a special effects man turned supervillain who was horribly maimed when Ghost Lad phased his hands into a lightning machine. He lost both hands, and his face was badly burned. When last we saw him, he had high tech artificial hands and was about to unveil his giant mechanical hornet before the lava spirits got it and turned it into Dirge's volcano monster.

At the base, they met Nimble, who was there looking for her brother, Disco, who of course had just headed out to Atlantis. Grave Grizzly declared that he could find Comet just fine without any help and staggered off to play accordion in an alley somewhere. Chromaticat was teleporting around, and Mister Chompers was there, telling Nimble to kill people. So, apparently, there's something about Disco's family that lets Chompers communicate with them.

Their research led them to an abandoned warehouse disco place, which they noticed was guarded by swarms of bees. Pork Chop got 'em going and Nimble used her super-speed to disperse the converging swarms with a mini-tornado. Inside, oh yeah, this is actually where they found Mr. Chompers. He was locked up in a bathroom next to the lobby. Farther back in the club, they heard screaming and found a big supervillain lab all set up in the main dance hall with Ghost Lad and his buddy John Jameson shackled to a machine and being tortured by Techmaster.

Techmaster had actually started with Jameson, for maximum effect on the main course. As the team burst in, he was pushing a big bluish-white gemstone into Jameson's chest to the tune of breaking bones and screams.

Pork Chop was delayed by a pair of shadow creatures that ambushed him. He quickly dispatched both with a chair he had picked up. At the other side of the hall, they found that Corrosive Soul was there too. She pointed at Jameson, who howled and turned into a white-furred wolf man. This seemed to surprise Techmaster as much as anyone.

Comet crashed into people, Pork Chop threw chairs, and Nimble used her rock-hard purse as a weapon, although at one point she was overwhelmed by the howl of the Man-Wolf and ran away until she could gather her wits and come back. Corrosive Soul used her mind control powers to briefly turn the team against each other, then summoned a group of green fire demons when the fight looked like it might not go her way.

Battered by purses and Comet-fists, Techmaster used the distraction of Corrosive Soul's conjuring to slip out the back door. Pork Chop managed to trigger the emergency sprinkler system and snuff the fire demons. The Man-Wolf eventually went down, too. Surrounded and battered, Corrosive Soul literally fell apart, but her head continued to cackle as it rolled over to Nimble, then abruptly melted into a skull and turned to dust.

The unconscious Man-Wolf turned back into Jameson, but the gem appeared to be grafted to his chest so that they couldn't remove it without badly injuring him. And they got Ghost Lad out so, apart from Techmaster escaping, mission accomplished.

Banging the Walls

Started off with a cut to Harvey Wallbanger, who had a little too much fun at the Christmas Party and woke up lost and alone in the pocket dimension. He wandered deep into the caves where he found a weird mystical substructure and saw something that he decided the Scrap Pile really needed to know about (held for later revelation). Then he found his way back to Lightfoot Island where Fire of Saturn helped him out with the tech to get him to Atlantis.

In Atlantis, he found the team bound and shackled to the walls of a temple. He burst in and bounced around and set the Scrap Pile loose and they fought some undersea villains: Starfish, Sea Mantis, Anemone, and Kelp Queen.

Then big ole scary Dirge showed up and that was the end of the session.

Octopus's Garden

With Dirge's threat to Atlantis hanging in the air, the team went back to base and got a message from Councilor Tyno, Torpedo's contact there. It was mostly garbled, but he clearly wanted Torpedo to come home and included, among other static'd-out words, "the proteans." It was a bit puzzling to Torpedo that the Proteans would be a threat. They were peaceful, intelligent octopods who, in the distant past, were rumored to have helped the original Atlanteans learn magic and become water-breathers.

They looked into their options. Land Shark, worried about the effect his water phobia could have on this mission, asked Disco to supplement his anxiety drugs with calming lightshows. Fire of Saturn wasn't able to go along herself, but rigged up some alien space suits that she "found" to serve as diving suits. Disco gave her some spanglies to add to his. Torpedo got his flying fish shuttle out of storage and they headed out to sea.

On the way, Torpedo advised Land Shark that, after a really nasty civil war a hundred years back, Atlanteans really don't do shark stuff. Wearing a shark costume would be seen as something akin to going around festooned with swastikas. Land Shark, already doped up, might not have fully processed this.

Once they got over water, Torpedo jumped out and swam, happy to be back in the ocean. The ship had an automatic homing system that required no human interaction, but, as it began to dive, Land Shark decided he wanted to bring it in himself and grabbed the controls. The vehicle hit the water at the wrong angle, which created more leaks than its auto-repair function could handle. Eventually, Torpedo got everything straightened out and they continued. It was fine until Land Shark announced to the control tower that "Shark One" was requesting permission to dock.

So anyway, Atlantis was built largely of undersea stuff like pearl and coral. They also made extensive use of a substance called vitredur, which looked like glass of varying colors but was hard as steel. Their architecture had an ornate, gothic look to it with lots of delicate spires and projections. Torpedo looked into the possibility of asserting his rulership rights as Prince of Atlantis. He was told that, while the Imperial Guard would follow him right now, establishing political control would take some time.

They also found out that what Tyno had been trying to tell them was that Octopolis, the city of the Proteans, was under attack. A group of piratical surface-worlders led by the armored raider, Aquatherm, had surrounded and the city and was on the verge of breaking its perimeter. Aquatherm had been a nuisance for years, but had never tried anything this big before.

Off to Octopolis, they found a city with smoother, more organic architecture, being attacked by armored goons riding shark cycles. Torpedo dove in (or, I don't know, can you dive in when you're already underwater?) to slug it out with the leader, who had water control powers and stuff. Land Shark helped out with stony shark heads from the sea floor. Disco commandeered a shark cycle and started mowing down minions.

Eventually they slugged most of the bad guys and the scattered remnants ran away. Then Torpedo was invited to lead the ritual of renewal at the volcano to reaffirm the unity between Atlanteans and Proteans and things like that. Disco found the Proteans easy to communicate with because they used shifting color patterns to express themselves.

As the mystical energies were taking shape, something went wrong. Power was drained from the assembly at an alarming rate. Finally the big stone face carved into the volcano glowed, the ground shook, and the fiery form of Dirge formed from the volcano. As it did so, a group of cultists who served the fire spirit began to change into quasi-bestial forms.

To be continued next session.

A Scrap Pile Christmas

Guest-Starring DAZZLER!

I had been wanting to do a holiday issue for a while. My first thought was Halloween, but that was inconveniently timed. The Christmas season, meanwhile, falling at a point where I wanted to remind everyone I still very much dig the Scrap Pile, but also at a point where I didn't have everything together to pick up the ongoing campaign again, worked out really well. We all got together (again, minus the unfortunately overbooked Magi), wore Santa hats, and had a great time.

So, it was a cold, snowy Christmas Eve on Lightfoot Island and the team had a drink together at the base before heading off to their separate engagements.

Disco flew off to his holiday DJ gig at a bar in Beta City. On the way, he was confronted by a dark, winged figure who identified himself as Flying Fish and demanded that he turn over "the gift-bringer." The Flying Fish conjured up wind blasts and stuff, but was particularly vulnerable to Disco's light because he was made of shadow. Upon being defeated, the Flying Fish dissipated and a big red and green gift-wrapped box appeared nearby. Disco opened it up.

Torpedo got in his car to head to Morgana's Winter Solstice service in a grove outside town. He was greeted there by Goth, a shadow-woman who had darkness powers and the same agenda as Flying fish. Torpedo turned into lava, ruining his upholstery, but enabling him to take out the villain who, like her apparent teammate, turned into a gift box. Torpedo called the bomb squad.

Land Shark started walking across Lightfoot Island to go volunteer at the shelter. He ran into Harvey Wallbanger, a globular do-gooder with a strong Boston accent. He was looking to make a name for himself by taking out the Dastards, who were reputed to live in this area. While Land Shark decided how to answer, they were attacked by Ballistic, a sort of fire-based flying villain. Land Shark's street clothes got burned off and he was left with a skimpy costume Disco made. I don't remember why. Again, they were left with a gift which they opened.

Disco, Land Shark, Harvey Wallbanger, and a bomb-diffusing robot all appeared together in an other-dimensional ski chalet. The fireplace was encased in a giant ice crystal and ephemeral shadowy forms flitted about. Santa Claus was chained to a post nearby. Eventually, we got Torpedo in there too. Santa was chained up and the fire pit was frozen solid. Shadowy forms were flitting around. Santa said a rebellious elf named Snaptooth (who wanted to be a dentist) had stolen his mojo and was freezing the world into shadow or something. Land Shark's pug, Mr. Chompers, was there too, and kept telling Disco to kill everyone. Strangely, only Disco could hear this.

They skied down to the entrance to Snaptooth's lair while fighting off pterodactyls, because pterodactyls are cool. On the other side, they fought some reindeer men who knocked Torpedo out, then some snowmen and evil elves that looked pretty gnome-like. Then they fought Snaptooth and got Santa's bag and... I wanna say I threw in the Baby New Year thing from City of Heroes too. Everything after the pterodactyls is a little fuzzy.

Back on the ski slopes, the Angry Beet attacked for some reason, but was quickly bounced by Harvey Wallbanger. They got back to Santa, where the bonfire sprang up and the shadows resolved into party guests, including Dazzler and her band. Disco was ecstatic to meet his idol. Dazzler performed "Shadows of the Night," and everybody had a Merry Christmas.

Rampage

This'll be a bit sketchier than usual because it's already taken forever and I want to get it done.

So, as per last session, there was a giant flying monster rampaging across Lightfoot Island.

Disco was badly wounded just before the cliffhanger, so Fire of Saturn rigged the containment tubes to heal him while the others freed the B Team. It became apparent that they had been kidnapped because Ghost Lad had maimed some guy called Techmaster with his phasing powers.

Disco then flew Torpedo out to the critter and dropped him on its back. While Torpedo was grabbing hold hold in lava form, Disco dodged (mostly) blasts from the monster's tail. Once the B Team members (minus Ghost Lad, who was missing) were safely on their way, Land Shark tunneled his way out while Fire of Saturn flew.

Land Shark was able to crack open the creature's armor and render it useless while Fire of Saturn used ice to incapacitate its gun ports and Disco sizzled it with his aura.

Meanwhile, Torpedo had been lava-oozing his way to the creature's core in an attempt to shut it down. What he found there was a psycho-mystical conflict with Dirge, the volcano spirit which had possessed it.

The fight continued both inside and out. Towards the end, the spirit said, "Curse you, Prince of Atlantis! Your homeland will pay dearly for this affront." And with simultaneous final blows, Torpedo and Disco blasted the creature apart. Pieces of cooling lava flew everywhere.

Land Shark, cranking it up to eleven, made a bunch of giant stone sharks rise out of the ground to catch the falling rubble before it could do too much damage, inspiring cheers and adulation from the not-completely-squashed townsfolk.

Rapture

Interrogating their captive with a little help from Disco's bright lights, they learned that Corrosive Soul was going to use the brains to power a dimensional spike to unleash demons on Beta City. She was also using the bodies to make cybernetic vampires. She was working in Joe Casanelli's old mansion on the north face of the volcano, abandoned since Darkshade and Groovy Lad took down the Necrodon (from a convention game, so it never got written up here).

Back at Scrap Pile HQ, the heroes discussed their next move. Well, most of them did. Disco was mostly concerned with discovering whether or not Land Shark was gay. He enlisted Fire of Saturn to commence a program of temptations designed to bring out the big lug's true preferences. Not too well-versed in seduction but eager to fit in with the heroes, she agreed to follow Disco's prompts. When the team decided to go to the hideout as the Dastards, Disco made an incredibly skimpy (and, of course, shiny) costume for her, which she at first covered in a robe.

Despite surreptitious radio suggestions from Disco, Fire of Saturn's "moves" were awkward at best. Once she even turned an ankle on the ridiculous heels she was wearing. Did I mention there were demons stealing brains and making vampires and stuff? Yeah, let's talk about that for a minute.

So, the Dastards (Land Pirate, Bad Fish, Blacklight, and Space Invaders) pulled up to the mansion in the Chevy Malibu of Evil and demanded to talk to whoever was in charge about joining up.  They saw more vampires and some normal humans, mostly working with the machinery.

They were led downstairs, where there was a high-tech lair with big glass panels overlooking the channel between Lightfoot proper and Weatherhead. Corrosive Soul was down there with captured B-Team members, a big glass vessel full of bees, a skeleton labeled "Von Meyer," and a blue-glowing rock. At some point they learned that this was all part of a cult called "Rapture."

I don't remember exactly how things went here. Seems like Torpedo went through a cave from the junk yard on the west edge of the volcano or something. I know he communed with lava spirits and found out something. I should have written this while it was all still fresh in my mind, but it was a busy week.

Fire of Saturn left for some reason before the big fight, or they just left her with the car. Anyway, they fought vampires and Corrosive Soul, who crowed while being Torpedo-lava-punched that human hands did not summon her, nor could they truly destroy her. Then she literally fell apart. There were also some surprise werewolves.

There was a cut scene where we saw a man with mechanical hands and a scarred face leading a hornetroid toward a lava pool where he was going to do some kind of ritual. Then, because of the lava spirits Torpedo had spoken to, the lava pool started getting frisky. Tendrils of lava reached up, pulled the mechanical hornet down, and consumed it. Then it rose again, transformed into a living cyber-magic lava monster. The dude who had been leading it screamed and ran away.

So anyway, while the Scrap Pile's fight continued, the glass broke and the bees swarmed over the glowing rock. Eventually they started saying "Swarm, Swarm, Swarm," and formed into a humanoid shape with big glowing blue eyes. It turned out to be hard to hurt, but Disco and Torpedo were able to damage it with their sizzling auras. In the course of doing so, however, Disco was badly stung and lost consciousness. Then the ground started shaking.

Fire of Saturn, who had seen the giant lava hornet fly out and start attacking the city, showed up and said, "Guys, I think we have a new problem."

Working at the Car Wash

The Scrap Pile is back! Well, mostly. We're still hoping to get an occasional Giant Size issue with Magi, but complications bleeding in from the lesser world make it hard for him to be around much.

Back from their disturbing ordeal with the Warmaster; Land Shark, Torpedo, and Disco came home to find that they had been away for over six months. A lot of people thought they were dead, but Morgana had kept everything running in their base, despite Caravel's attempt to talk her into selling everything and renting the building out to Boost Mobile.

After they got settled in and announced their return, they were invited to be on the talk show, "Literal Hotness" with Thod (pronounced "Todd") Roades. Disco got out his tightest spandex outfit and helped Land Shark spruce up his look as well.

Once they got there, Thod ambushed them with questions about the imperialist message in Torpedo's origin story, the toxic masculinity of Land Shark's destructive powers, and concerns about representation, calling them, "The Sausage Pile" at one point. Torpedo took the opportunity to claim all of America as a colony of Atlantis. Then Thod asked them why they were showboating on a talk show instead of investigating the brain thief at Patriot's Landing.

On their way out, Disco befriended a cat with light powers. They learned to communicate with each other on an empathic level using strobing color shifts. Disco also discovered pretty quickly that Rainbow Kitty could also teleport. Somebody said this meant they were replacing Magi with a cat.

Checking with Hero Corps, Torpedo learned that the organization was looking for someone to investigate a DMV office in Patriot's Landing, a rough Lightfoot Island dockside neighborhood named for the hero, Acting Patriot.

At the office, they found a woman wearing high tech, if somewhat haphazardly assembled, gadgetry interviewing customers. While Torpedo and Land Shark went to talk to management, Disco checked out the costumed stranger. An assortment of conversations told them:

• The woman was Fire of Saturn, who had been known to associate with the Lizard Moll, but wasn't otherwise listed as a known criminal. 
• The people whose brains had been stolen had all recently gotten a new or renewed license from the same clerk.
• The clerk, Brian Ferrys, had started acting strangely after taking a weekend job promoting a run-down car wash on Weatherhead Island, a smaller island immediately adjacent to and generally treated as part of Lightfoot Island. 

Fire of Saturn

Fire of Saturn got a little antsy as the questions continued, and left. The rest of the team decided to follow her back to the Lizard Moll's office over the Mermaid Tavern. Because the B Team had some history with the Lizard Moll and Joe Casanelli, they checked in with them first, but they were busy investigating the theft of Nazi mad scientist Fritz von Meyer's skeleton.

The Lizard Moll gave them some additional information, saying she believed that a poorly conjured spirit in a self-constructed biomechanical body was the problem. It had taken to calling itself "Corrosive Soul" and was attempting to carve out its own territory in the Lightfoot Island underworld.

The Lizard Moll, aware that the Scrap Pile had recently lost its tech guy, suggested that Fire of Saturn help them out. Fire of Saturn took this opportunity and several others to explain that she wasn't really a criminal, just a well-meaning inventor who had been "put in a bad situation" by her former employers. She was happy for the opportunity to prove herself to the good guys.

Taking the Scrap Van over to the car wash, they were greeted by a conspicuously immobile clerk and asked to put on hospital gowns while they waited. Meanwhile, the car wash started spraying some kind of foul-looking fluid on the Scrap Van and pelting it with ball bearings. Pushing aside the gowns, they found that the operators were thinly disguised floating brains with tentacles. They fought the brains, giving Fire of Saturn a chance to use her fire and ice powers.

Once the brains were dealt with, they looked around, finding some extracted brains in coolers and a bunch of de-brained corpses stashed nearby. There were quite a few more bodies than brains. They waited and some cyber-vampires showed up in a van to collect the brains, so they ambushed those guys or at least tried to and got caught. Anyway, they won that fight too, with one vampire still conscious in a block of ice for interrogation.